The person who reserves a seat for their bag:
Poor backpack. It looks exhausted.
People who leave their garbage on the seats:
IS THAT PEE?!
That one guy who manspreads with all his might:
Must be overcompensating for something.
Anyone who hugs the entire bar:
If you love that bar so much, why don’t you marry it?
And anyone who leans across the entire bar:
No, it’s fine. I don’t need to hold on. It’s more important that you have both hands free so you can play your game.
And worst of them all, the person who leans against the bar WHILE YOU’RE HOLDING ONTO IT!
Feel that? That’s my hand. It was here first.
People who flop their hair over their seat:
Good thing I carry scissors with me. Saves me from being disgusted, and saves you a trip to the barber.
The person who does this:
The word “seat” comes from Latin. It means, “where you put your fucking ass, NOT YOUR FEET, asshole.”
Or, even worse, the person who does this:
“What’s this thing touching my arm? Oh cool! It’s a foot. A foot is touching my arm.”
People who pretend not to notice anyone they should politely give up their seats for:
The person who reads your texts over your shoulder:
“Can you tell from this text if he likes me or not?”
The person who stands way too close to you:
People who stand on the left side of the escalator:
‘Pardon me, but would you mind stepping to the right. Oh! And while you’re at it, kindly GO FUCK YOURSELF.”
And that person who listens to music without headphones:
Or worse, the person who listens to music without headphones AND WITH A BLUETOOTH SPEAKER! ROT IN HELL!