Bob Ross: *draws a branch*
Bob Ross: *draws second branch* cause everyone needs a friend
me: *holding back tears* nice
My new hobby: finding incomprehensible diagrams on office whiteboards and adding alarming conclusions to them
My daughter brings a checklist to stores now and just makes random checks. It makes everyone uncomfortable.
Look, @Arbys, I’ll try your Smoke House, but there’s no need to call me names.
My children gathered beside my coffin: She looks so peaceful. And that was her favorite dress.
Dead me sits straight up: IT HAS POCKETS!!!!!
“i’ve been expecting-”
“no it is i who have been-”
“i expected you to say that”
“aha just as i expected
more grateful than normal for @haleymlotek for introducing me to my new all time favorite google search
just noticed how the Cap’n becomes increasingly unhinged as the sugar content increases over the years
in the third grade i was obsessed with michael jordan so i carried a cardboard cutout of him around for a month
Carry yourself w/the confidence of a girl holding a massive owl.
I keep this pic of Terry Crews in my wallet so I can see it when I’m about to waste money on things I don’t need Iol
this man is so sprung, ain’t nothing in the world she could say that could be that funny.
favorite part of googlemaps is this man unzipping his cargo pants into cargo shorts at the grand canyon